A Better Day

Today is bad. Really bad, actually. Everything around me is tinted in red and greys. All I really want to do is curl up under my covers and pretend today doesn’t exsist. Except my nagging Inner Self keeps throwing the blankets off and making me getting up. “You’ll never be able to make the day better if you stay in bed,” she reasons.

I don’t want the day to be better. I just want the day to be gone. But I get up, get some clothes on and drink coffee. I’m not sure how I will do it but I need to make today better.

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Sometimes You Need to Put Your Foot Down

“You don’t need to be here okay,” my neice yells at the shadow. “You need to leave.”

I watch horrified as my neice stares down this formless being. All four foot eight inches of her standing toe to toe with a creature I can’t understand. Amazingly the creature begins to shrink and dissappear. Then my neice turns and looks at me, “Sometimes you need to put your foot down.”

Human Touch

It feels like a small current across your skin when they are close. An accidental bump feels like a small jolt. Holding hands feels like the buzz of t.v. white noise. A simple hug feels like a malfunctioning circuit breaker. Sparks flying off in different directions, all at once. You try to tell someone but they don’t understand. So you think there is something wrong with you and you pull away. Slowly you touch less and less, until you don’t even have the memory of touch. Then someone hugs you and you remember. You remember why you no longer touch.

Life is a Play

The actors are gathered the stage is set. What show will be put on today? A drama, a comedy, a thriller, the options are endless. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Please take a seat and let the story unfold.

Bill gets up and stomps around the kitchen. Clearly he is upset but he is not sure why. Enters the Lady of the House and his friend, Mel. Then a moment of clarity, it must be her that he is upset with. “Mel, we should talk,”he starts off his tone angry.

“I don’t mind talking if you’d calm down,” she answers calmly.

“I am calm!” He yells throwing up his hands. “You need to listen to me!”

In comes Mel’s significant other, Tom. “What’s going on here?” He places a protective arm around Mel.

“You need to stay out of this!” Bill jabs a finger into Tom’s chest.

Before the two could fight Mel steps in between them, ” Stop it. Bill you should leave and calm down.”

“You don’t have a right to tell me what to do!” Bill brushes her hand off of his chest. “You just have to listen to what I say!”

“Don’t talk down to me!” Mel is now shouting. “You maybe able to talk down to Susan, but not me.” Tom grips her shoulders as if that act alone can keep her together.

“I’m not talking down to you!” Bill shouts back. “I’m just telling you what you’re doing wrong.”

“Man you need to leave,” Tom interjects pulling Mel behind him.

Bill brings up his fists and gets into Tom’s face,” You want to go mister?”

“Yeah, buddy let’s go!” Tom shouts back.

“No!” Mel shouts pushing them both apart. “Bill you need to leave.”

Bill starts crying fat angry tears,”You’re right. I do need to leave. No one listens to me anyway.” He starts walking away. “All I’m trying to do is help.”

The curtain closes the scene is done.

Sunshine

The sun is shining today. I can feel the warmth on my skin. It fills every part of my soul making me feel lighter. It almost feels like I can fly. Except there are stones in my stomach. Hevy, cold monstrosities that keep me grounded. Nothing I do will make them budge. Then someone comes along and gives me a hammer and chisel to break down the rocks. Slowly I feels ad if I’m getting lighter. I know that as long as the sun is shining I will be able to remove a little more of the rocks everyday.

Depression

It’s hard to tell my family how depression feels. I’ve tried so many times and they still don’t seem to understand. So I explained it to them like this.

The day starts off calm. No wind to shake the trees so birds have a solid perch on which to sing their songs to greet the day. No clouds hide the sun from waking up the flowers in my garden. The kitchen is filled with the smell of bacon and cinnamon. Today should be a better day than yesterday, but there is the feeling deep inside that this peace won’t last. You have to get up though, and make the best of the peace. Then the clouds roll in and the rain falls. The birds fly away and the flowers hang their heads. A chill seeps into your bones so you curl up in bed trying to get warm. Just like that, the peace is gone.