I finally got up the nerve to have a conversation with my little brother about finances and where I am going to go. We hashed out what he wanted from me which was more financial help. All he wanted was for any extra money I got to go towards living expenses keeping me from buying extra things in my life that would make it less boring. Basically I wasn’t able to buy video games or books because he wanted more money in rent and utilities. I was getting frustrated because he was always coming home with a new video game or a new tattoo. We couldn’t come to an agreement as to why this was unfair to me. Considering the fact that I didn’t get that much money to begin with so daily living was hard enough.
So I left over the weekend to a place that is more with in my price range. Granted I am still living with people but I only have to pay for the room, utilities included, and purchase my own food. Which is completely fine with me. I still have my own space and I get along with the people I am living with now. Today is going to be an adventure buying the medication that I use and getting a new tattoo. I finally feel like I have a freedom to be me that isn’t tied down by ideals that my family has. I hope that this means blogging more and finding more adventures to go on. There really is hope for my future.
I haven’t been writing much anymore. I haven’t really been doing much of anything actually. I still do my school work and turn it in relatively on time. I have had a few new experiences in this new year but I am still stagnating in my room not even writing anymore. It has been this way since my little brother got married in December. To clarify I live with my little brother in a two bedroom apartment in Las Cruces, New Mexico. His new wife moved in with us from a three bedroom house where she lived with her grandparents. I can honestly say the transition has not been easy for her. There was a lot of crying in the first week from her because the change was so drastic. Eventually everything leveled out and we started living a somewhat normal life with dinners at 4-5 pm.
Living with my little brother before his wife moved in wasn’t bad. It was me mostly keeping to myself and working on my writing. We never really had any issues with the way the house was kept. Each of us doing out own cleaning on our own time. We weren’t messy, nothing ever piled up past two days. We just put cleaning off for our respective jobs, his was working in a factory, mine was going to school and writing. I took care of the dogs since my little brother worked. I was allowed to buy myself extra things each month like books and video games. Life was pretty simple then. My little brother gets married and everything changes.
First of all I stopped taking care of the dogs because I was being yelled at that the dogs weren’t mine. The whole neighborhood called them my dogs while I was taking care of them. I never did but I think my brother developed a complex about it. I got yelled at, by my brother, for not doing anything around the house. According to him his wife cleans up after me and that wasn’t cool. I would agree that she was doing my dishes because she took over cleaning the kitchen. I disagree that she was cleaning up after me. I clean my own bathroom and I live in my bedroom, which is also clean. They are responsible for the areas of the apartment they live in. At least that is how it should be. I started to do my own dishes so that they couldn’t complain about it. I’m still considered messy even though I don’t spend anytime in the common areas of the apartment. There is also the fact that my room smells like weed because I am perscribed marijuana for my PTSD and anxiety disorders. The new wife is against weed even if it is perscribed legally.
The next thing I am getting in trouble for is how much money I contribute each month. For full disclosure my two bedroom apartment costs $685 a month, electric costs roughly $100. We don’t have to pay for water which is nice. Since I go to school we do have a $60 internet bill that I need to help with and a $50 cell phone bill shared by my brother. That makes is $895 a month for expenses. I get $975 every two months through student loans and General Assistance while I wait for SSI to kick in. My brother makes $1,200 a month working at the factory he works at. My student loans have to go for books so I am only able to contribute $440 when I get those every two months and give them all of my $240 that I get from the government every month. That’s $295 that I get to use for hygiene, school books, clothes, and my medicine every two months. My brother and his wife want to take that money away from me. They want more money out of me each month because they have car payments and loans they have to pay back so they don’t have enough to cover the everyday bills. Part of the argument my brother makes is that they pay %90 of the bills and I should be contributing more to the household expensises.
Luckily I am social enough to have a small group of diverse friends. These friends don’t really hang out with each other even though we all live in the same apartment. I have stoner friends, drinking friends, and southern friends. The point I am making is even though my friends are very different from each other they all agree on the same thing. I need to move out. To be clear they know exactly what is going on because they are my brother’s friends too. He used to hang out with them then he got married and hasn’t hung out with anybody except for when his wife spends the night somewhere esle, probably with her grandparents. My brother told them his side of the expensises and what he has to pay for (it is the only reason why I know how much he makes). My friends and I calculated it out and they told me that it is unfairly skwed in their favor, my brother and his wife I mean. All of my friends agree that I need to find some place better to live that is affordable. Every single one of them has also offered me a better choice than living with my brother. Two of my friends have offered me their couch while one friend has a whole bedroom that I can take over, so I have places to go. I just haven’t left yet. I am not looking forward to the argument I am going to have with my brother as to why I need to leave.
What I do know is that I need to make changes in my life. I can’t keep living the same life where I stay in my room all day typing on a computer because I’m afraid to leave my room. I can’t afford my medicine, I can barely afford the hygiene products I get every month. I have places to go. I need to make up my mind and go.