I just had a revelation while smoking outside this morning. The two guys I’ve had crushes on, Tennessee and Kit, I’ve liked for one real reason only. They reminded me of a past me I liked. Kit reminds me of High School where I could roam the halls in my iron armor and nothing could touch me. At the same time I could touch no one but that was the draw back. However, the time I liked is that when interacting with others I could give as good as I got. I miss being that strong. Tennessee reminds me of who I was in Middle School. I fought back then. Anyone tried to mess with me I fought back, if it was warranted. There are a few I let go because I wasn’t that petty. Now I am that petty but I can fight back now. The me then, both times, wouldn’t have let herself be the victim. It wouldn’t have mattered if anything actually happened to her. She just would’ve picked herself up, dusted herself off, and walked forward. I don’t know when I fell down and refused to get back up but I can’t do that anymore. I need to be like my younger self. I need to get back up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward.